I’m gonna be pretty honest- I am a complete mess. I act like I am strong and have it all together most days, but deep down I am falling apart most of the time. I am not this great, awesome, have it all together girl. I really wish I was. I really wish I wasn’t so fickle and inconsistent. I wish I could control more of my emotions and my feelings then what I do. I really wish some days I could get a hold of myself and stop the madness. But, I can’t. I spend my days running. Running from my problems. Running from what God has called me too. Second guessing every decision I make bc what if, just what if, it’s not the right decision? I fight with myself everyday. Wondering if the decisions I make are the best choices for me. I am so hard on myself and really have a tough time showing myself grace. I wonder why I make things so complicated and why I can’t just settle down? But that’s not me. It never has been. Will it ever be? I crave so much to be normal sometimes but what really is normal? LOL Oh, man I am a mess. See I told you. Most days I feel ok with who I am and then other days I get really pissed about it. I know I don’t have to live by anyone else’s standards and I only need the approval of Jesus but it gets tough. I am always going to disappoint someone and that just kills me. It always has. I’m not really sure the point of my blog tonight. I just really needed to vent and get this out. Please pray for me. It’s a daily battle I have with myself and one day I hope to overcome it. I hope I can either settle down or embrace the fact that I never will settle down. I pray that I can let go of what others think of me and run after Jesus fearlessly. It doesn’t always make sense to do that. Just when I think I have it all figured out this happens. Is it me? Am I crazy? Or is it Jesus asking me to step out in faith once again? I have NO clue. But I never want to stop running after Him bc He is the only constant in my life and that will never change. He will love me no matter how crazy I get. Thanks for listening tonight guys. And remember it’s ok to be a little crazy every now and then. Life would be way to boring without the craziness.