I know that my struggles are nothing new or nothing that someone hasn’t already experienced. But for me, they present new challenges and hurdles for me to jump over. In my short 31 years of life and my 25 years of being a Christian, I have learned that people will disappoint you, people will hurt you, that we are all human and we are all sinners. With that being said, it still doesn’t make it easy when it happens. I am pretty sensitive and can get my feelings easily hurt. I have gotten tougher with age but sometimes things just get overwhelming.
I’ve been attending the same church in Savannah for almost 7 years. I even worked for them for a little over a year at one point. Just like any job it was not perfect and it’s still a business. I enjoyed it for the most part. What I didn’t enjoy is the way I was treated once I didn’t work there anymore. It was like you couldn’t be apart of them bc you weren’t on staff. I lost several so called friends through that and even lost a best friend down the road for reasons still unbeknownst to me. This to me is not what being a Christian looks like.
This week I was told that I couldn’t go on a missions trip bc I haven’t been able to attend any of the team meetings. Even though I was upfront with all of my travel dates and was told that it was ok I could still go. I totally respect the rules of the game but what I don’t appreciate is when I am told one thing and then another is done. That is where my problem is. I don’t understand how someone can jump in last minute with their money in hand and never attend a meeting and can still go. Not fair. I am really bummed about this bc my heart is in Guatemala as many of you know. I had a co-worker go with me in December and she was going to go with me again on this trip but backed out once she heard my news. They had contacted me a few weeks ago about her bc she wasn’t a Christian and they don’t allow non-christians to go on these trips. This blew my mind bc I thought how Christian is that for you to tell her she can’t go bc of something she probably doesn’t even understand. She has a servants heart and wanted to go and help the ministry and you are going to tell her no bc she doesn’t profess to be saved? I am so confused. They ended up allowing her to come but when that happened it left a bad taste in my mouth. That goes against everything I believe and I didn’t want to be apart of it. A good friend today told me that thankfully I am a strong enough Christian that I won’t be mad at God over this. And he is right as far as that goes. I have no reason to be mad at God. We are humans and when anything has to do with a human you have to expect things to go wrong or not be right at some point. It’s just how it goes. But, I am at crossroads with where I want to be as far as a church goes. I have really only been apart of 4 churches my entire life. 2 as a child through teens and 2 as an adult. And again there is always something about every place that you won’t like. But, I do know that I don’t agree with the way I was treated and the way they potentially were going to treat my friend. This was the straw that broke the camels back. So many things have led up to this point and the way that I feel. I don’t think that I can be apart of something when I don’t agree with some major issues that are taking place. I know that things happen for a reason but I feel kinda lost here. It’s hard doing what you feel is right despite what others may think about you. And in my heart I know that I can’t be apart of something like this. It’s time to let go and move on. Kinda seems to be the theme of my entire life lately. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that God is throwing this at me either. I would love to hear from you guys. What are your thoughts?