Do you ever get to the point where you are just over it? When you just want to throw the towel in and say your done? Well, I am there. I know we all go through times of this and I guess this is my “time.”
I am tired of of the guilt. I am tired of the shame. I am tired of the unforgiveness. I am tired of feeling unworthy. I am tired of fake. I am tired of saying I’m ok when I’m not. I am tired of being a fixer. I am tired of being a people pleaser. I am tired of allowing people to make me feel like crap. I am tired of being a control freak and allowing others to control me. I am tired of it and I am over it and today it has to stop.
I know that I am a sinner saved by grace and it is only by grace that I am here today. I know that I am not a perfect person but neither is anyone else. I do know that I strong, faithful, loyal, and even when I am down I will pick myself back up. I know that I am the only one who can allow anyone to make me feel bad about myself. I also have learned in my 31+ years of life that you can’t please everyone. I used to be super sensitive in this area and I had to get a little tougher bc it’s just not possible to make everyone happy. Especially in my field of work. You win some, you lose some and then there are some that just NO matter what you do you can’t please them. Due to many failed relationships I have also come to the conclusion that you can’t fix people. It’s just NOT possible. If you don’t like or love someone for who they are then walk away from them. It’s not worth it to try and fix them into who you want them to be. You wouldn’t want someone to do that to you would you? I am who I am. Love it or leave it. There is the right person out there for you. There are the right friends out there for you. Don’t go searching in all the wrong places. I am realizing that I don’t need to be in control over every little thing in my life. It’s actually really exhausting at the end of the day. Letting go of some things and just letting life happen is a much better way to live. Same with allowing people to control me. I am guilty for allowing them too. My own insecurities have taken over me and I have allowed others to come in between those insecure moments and take over me. Trying to break free from that control is not easy either. For me or them. But standing up for myself and learning that this is my life and I have to do what is best for me is rather freeing.
So, tonight, I am done feeling all those things. I am moving forward. Here we go.
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
“Don’t worry about what people say behind your back. They’re the ones who find faults in your life instead of fixing their own.”