I chose not to write about this until now for many reasons. As much as I like to think that I don’t care what anyone thinks, I would be lying to myself and to you if I said I didn’t. So that’s a big part of why I kept silent. Another reason is I had NO idea what was happening and what was gonna happen. You see, we (Rob and I) have this history of just randomly reconnecting every few years and then just parting ways. And if that was the case then there was no need to get everyone involved. And finally another reason was that I wanted to respect myself, him and the relationship. I have also said in previous posts that I know I am called to write and I don’t ever want to waste that. Each day that goes by and I don’t write, I feel is a day wasted. I know that I am embarking on a sweet journey. It’s going to take me places I never dreamed or imagined. When I prayed for a not normal life, I had NO idea this is what God intended. And after several conversations with some clients in “not normal” situations I think this is a pretty normal thing. We never end up where we think we will. God always comes along and does his thing. I have no idea where my journey will take me and where it will end. But, I do know that I am right where I am supposed to be for now. I’ll start out with a little bit of history just so you can get a feel for where we came from and where we are now.
Long story short:
Rob and I met when I was 15 and he was 17 at Florence Baptist Temple. I was a freshmen he was senior. He left for the Air Force and we had an on and off relationship from that point on. We both dated other people but we always seemed to find our way back to each other. He actually got engaged to someone else at one point. He moved back home in early 2004 and we were instantly attached at the hip. I knew years before that I would marry him one day. Our relationship progressed rather quickly at that point. We got engaged in May of 2004 at the Shania Twain concert (go ahead and laugh) and we were married in October of 2004. Little did we know how hard it was gonna be. Our “happily ever after” wasn’t ideal. I was needy, he was immature. We were not on the same page EVER and our communication was non-existent. He never thought I would leave and I did more then leave, I RAN. I learned that at a young age. I hate conflict and run from it constantly. No matter who or what it’s with. We did the “best” we could at the time at trying to make it work. We both agree now that we didn’t try nearly enough. But at the time we did all we knew to do. We were young to say the least. Not an excuse or justifying but we were young. We ended up divorcing in August of 2005. We didn’t even make it a year. So that goes to show you we gave up way to soon. I often say that if I could have ALL the problems back that we had when we were together compared to what I have been through since, life would have been a little easier, LOL. Since then we have both dated others and I have even been engaged once, and he now has a little boy. But, for some reason neither one of us could commit to someone else. We decided to see each other about 4 years ago in Asheville. After an amazing weekend we still weren’t ready for life together. We were going in 2 different directions and it just wasn’t good timing. Until, now. Here we are. I had my heart broken into a million pieces last spring and he went through a tough break up himself last summer. We chatted some off and on throughout the summer and fall. He poured his heart out telling me how much he still loved me and I just couldn’t believe it. How, after all these years? And I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for all of that at the time. But, then December happened. He asked me to hangout around New Years when I was in town. I went. Not knowing what to expect and thinking to myself, “Am I crazy?” And yes I think I am crazy but I went. And we had the BEST time. It was like we picked up right were we left off. I walked away that night feeling like I didn’t want to let go this time. I wanted to hold on to that night, to that moment. We had been apart for over 8 years and I did’t want anymore time apart. But, how could that be? How could I still feel that way? I had been on my own for several months at that point and doing very well for myself finally. But, I felt it. Deep inside. It wasn’t gonna be easy and I had NO earthly idea what any of it meant. I just knew I had to explore it. And for the first time we were on the same page and it felt good.
So there’s where I will leave you tonight. Just remember to never ignore the tug on your heart. It may be a big risk, you may get hurt, but you may miss out on the best parts of your life.