I have been better these last few days as far as the food goes. Still no coffee! Yay! I still really want coffee though:)
But I have been struggling and battling on the inside. Trying to figure out what I am here for. I mean ultimately I know that I am here to love God and love people and to bring glory to Jesus. But beyond that. What am I here for? I have been praying and crying out for answers and I hear nothing. And then I start to question bc that’s what I am really good at. I am too curious most of the time. Someone said to me the other day not to do anything until you have peace. And while I believe in some situations that’s true, I don’t always think that is the case. What if I’m just supposed to take a leap of faith and “do it?” Whatever “doing it” is. What if the peace doesn’t come until then? And what if the peace never comes? All I know for sure is that I supposed to trust God and have faith. I where this rhino tattoo on my arm displaying my faith and at the end of the day I feel like the most faithless person I know. I am still reading Jennie Allen’s book “Anything” and it’s messing me up big time. Today, she was talking about how friends and family were approaching her about the decisions she and her husband were making about life and the next steps and how everyone felt life it was too much for them and maybe they should think twice about what they were doing. And as much as she respected these people and listened to them she knew ultimately she had to obey God. And at the end of the chapter she says, “Tears came as I felt God whispering, Jennie, what if you had been too afraid to obey me? Look at what you would have missed.” WHOA! I feel this way often. I always say to myself how much I don’t want to miss out. But, do I not want to miss out on what God has for me or what I have for me? That’s the BIG question here. So, with God’s help I’m going to start this whole living by faith thing. Like I mean it. Like I where it on my arm. Because without faith, what’s left?