My biggest fear as a single woman…
This one is kind of tough. It’s asking me to be open and vulnerable and that scares me. I suppose I have many fears as a single woman. I fear that no one will ever love me. I remember going through my divorce and sitting on my bedroom floor at my parents house in a fetal position sobbing saying those exact words, “No one will ever love me again.” And as I type that or even think it to myself I think it sounds pretty crazy. But it’s a fear. I fear that no one will ever see me for ME. Being single in today’s world is not easy. What I mean is this…So many people are about 1 thing. That’s either sex or marriage. No one takes the time to actually get to know someone anymore. At least not in my own experience. That’s why I have chosen to steer clear for now and live my life single. But, it’s a constant daily battle. My faith is a huge part of my life and I want to share that with someone. I want a healthy balance. I don’t want to jump in bed with someone nor do I want to run off and get married tomorrow. I want to build a strong foundation with someone. I want to “Date” for real. If anyone even knows what that is anymore… I know someone does and I will gladly wait for them. Let’s see, I fear dating. I fear being alone. Even if God calls me to a life of singleness I know that I will be ok with that and His plan will be perfect in that. But, it still scares me. I fear getting so consumed with being single that I miss out on something great. I don’t want to be so caught up in being single, living life on my own, and living life for me that I miss out on “the one”, or that I miss out on some other awesome opportunity God may have planned. I fear that I will become too consumed with my career and money that I lose focus of what this life is really about. I fear that I will disappoint my family, friends, my God by the decisions that I make. I fear that I will never let go of the past and fully move on. I fear that I will never be able to get rid of this baggage I carry around. I fear that I will always fear.
But one thing I know for sure is that fear is NOT from the Lord. He is my light, my fortress, my anchor, my ever present help in time of need. He is my everything. He doesn’t want me to fear anything. He will never leave me or forsake me. Ever. So all the fears that I may have, I will overcome them in Jesus name. He will guide me, lead me, protect me, and show me the way. And with that in my back pocket I will be ok. I will be happy and filled with joy and be fearless.