Unsaid Expectations…

“”And they lived happily ever after” is one of the most tragic sentences in literature. It’s tragic because it’s a falsehood. It is a myth that has led generations to expect something from marriage that is not possible.”

~Josh Lievman

 

Many of you may or may not know that I was married once. Seems like an eternity ago. But ever since then, I have carried a lot with me. All the “what if’s” that Satan uses to bring you down have done a good job at following me. I know deep down that I did everything I thought was right and everything I could at that point in my life. 21 is so young. We hardly know ourselves let alone someone else. And then trying to mesh those 2 lives. Not saying it can’t work. There are many relationships that married young and have lasted. But it’s hard work EVERYDAY. And you have to learn to grow up together. Not grow up apart. 

Recently, I have been diving into anything that I can to learn about God, relationships, my walk with him, grace, forgiveness, love, friendship. You name it, I have been reading it. Just trying to soak it all up. When I think back to my marriage and my relationship with my ex husband, I see that there were a lot of unsaid expectations. Things that maybe we had grown up knowing and learning from our own families. Things that were never discussed because, well, we were so young and didn’t know any better. We just knew we were crazy in love and we could face whatever came our way! Yea right! We needed Jesus. Lots and lots of Jesus. And we needed to have adult conversations about these unsaid expectations of each other. I am sure it would have saved us a lot of heartache. Because there were many times looking back where I thought I was right, my way was better, he was wrong, I was alone, he didn’t love me, or care about me etc. And I don’t think that was the case at all. I just think we had a different view on this thing called marriage and we had no idea how hard it was going to be. And how sad. 

“Most incongruous expectations fall into two major categories: unspoken rules and unconscious roles.”

~Les and Leslie Parrott

Some of these unsaid expectations look like this:

-making a big deal out of Christmas gifts

-eat at the dinner table without the TV on

-always make a big deal out of birthdays

– decorating over the top for every holiday

-being early never on time or late

These are just to name a few. But if these things are not ever discussed (and they may seem minor until it happens and you want to rip into each other) you will end up living a pretty miserable life. And who wants that. NOT I! Our significant other is not responsible for our happiness. And so often we expect the other person to fulfill us in ways that are not humanly possible. We have to stop putting that pressure on each other. We have to be happy with ourselves and in agreement with God to receive happiness. 

“The #1 reason two people split up is that they “refuse to accept the fact that they are married to a human being.””

~Les and Leslie Parrott

 

Back to my quote at the beginning of this blog, there is no such thing as living happily after. Not in the way we see in movies and on tv. But doing relationships the right way, God’s way,  we can live happily ever after following him, loving our significant other more and deeply daily.

What are you expecting today?

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